1. The next one
The people who are going on holiday next and can't stop talking about it. This is a personal attack. I know I spent two solid weeks listing all of the beach activities I was planning, but that doesn't mean you should be able to.
2. The 'summer body'
They've clearly been working hard on their fitness in preparation for their own holiday, and frankly, it's rude. I don't want to see fantastic bodies when I get home from holiday - I'm carrying around five days and four nights of cocktails, bar snacks and fine local cuisine. Delete Instagram for a week at least.
3. The should'a would'a could'a
"I can't believe you didn't visit x!" Brilliant, thank you. Now I can be bummed out about not being on holiday any more, AND about how much better it SHOULD have been. Why didn't you tell me this before I went?
4. The guilt trip
"It's been so busy while you were away!" "How much did it cost?" "Did you eat well?" Maybe I'll go back again right now. That way my holiday blues are cured, and you'll be busier than ever.
5. The mope
"I haven't been on holiday in years. I never go anywhere. You're so lucky. :(" I'm really sorry that you feel this way, but when I'm deep in the holiday blues, it's hard to feel bad for you. What about MY problems? My tan lines will last for another week at the most.
6. The tan
Speaking of tan, how can some people at home still have a better tan than me? I've been cooking in the sun for the past week, and you've been stuck here in Grey-t Britain. Don't steal my thunder.
7. The 'friend'
As is always the problem with going on a mate's holiday - they'll have loads of embarrassing stories to tell. Having one of every cocktail on the menu seemed like a great idea at the time, but now it's coming back to haunt me. I've got the holiday blues, I don't deserve this!
8. The forward-thinker
"Where are you going next?" "Do you have anything else planned?" Are you kidding? I just spend my every penny of my holiday fund on patatas fritas and duty-free toblerone. I'm starting from square one, the next holiday is ages away, and I'm VERY holiday blue.
9. The Friendly One
Potentially the absolute worst one of all, and you can never admit it. Nothing cuts deeper than a friend or coworker's genuine interest when you're trying to mope your way through the holiday blues. You can't be annoyed at them for being a good person, so you feel guilty about being crabby too.
10. The One-Upper
"I've been there, but it wasn't as nice as x." Okay, alright. I understand you have to make yourself feel better because you haven't just been on an awesome holiday like I have, but I'm still living in the bubble of what a great time I had. Leave my holiday alone!